Unrequited Love.

On loving, not being loved in return, and being a Christian Blasian Woman in America.

One of my favorite movies is “The Holiday,” starring Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Kate Winslet. It’s the story of two women who swap houses during the holidays to escape their troubled love lives. I’m a sucker for a good romantic comedy. Pretty sure my heart will skip a million beats in the bar scene (spoiler alert from 2006) when Cameron Diaz decides to stay in England a little longer and surprises Jude Law in a bar to the tune of “Just For Now” by Imogen Heap. Or the anger that rises in my soul when Jack Black catches his model girlfriend holding hands with another guy (outside of Blockbuster lol) when she was supposed to be shooting a film out of town. The nerve! But there’s this one part of the movie where Kate Winslet narrates a bit about different types of love.

“And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. It was hard to pour endless love into someone who wouldn't love you back. Trying to get someone interested in us (who is not) is a painful and pointless endeavor.”-Kate Winslet, “The Holiday” Movie

This quote, for years, has always made me pause to think about the unrequited love relationships I’ve personally had (romantic/friendships/family). But at this moment, this quote makes me think about America.

I thought for a long while she did.

But she doesn’t. She never has. And that’s a gut punch and a knife in the back at the same time.

Some will say that’s dramatic. Some will say that’s the Cali girl talking. Some will say that’s progressive talk. Some will say, Quit your whining. Some will say, go back to where you came from. Some will say, where’s your hope? You’re causing division.

And I say…keep your “some will say” to yourself and take it to God.

I’m in an unrequited love relationship with America.

A place where I’m singing “land that I love,” and the response to my song is yelling back: “Monkey, I love you if you do what I say…if you look like what I look like…if you be quiet, perform, give, serve, pour out, then pour out some more.”

This is not love. It’s abuse. It’s bondage. It’s a caged bird singing desperately wanting to fly and be heard, but nobody’s listening.

It’s the haves and the have-nots. It’s the powerful & privileged making choices for the collective and not caring to see, sit with, and hear from those living on the margins. It’s the boards and elder boards looking “one way.” It’s those “in the room where it happens” and just going along with the way it’s always been. It’s not fighting for your friends of color in conversations with your own family or in the voting booth.

As a privileged, Black woman living in San Francisco, not worried about a meal, I don’t feel safe. Not only do I not feel safe, but there is no money, no friend, no church, no person in authority that will SAVE me or PROTECT ME from being Black in America.

When the rubber meets the road…and it has…many times in the last few years. I lose friends and/or they go radio silent. Waiting for the next hang, pretending “all is well,” or trying to forget that my family is Black in America.

2020, 2024, 2025, 2026 are just recent evidence…receipts…of who we deem worthy of love, life, and flourishing in America.

My level of heartache with brothers and sisters in Christ goes to a deeper level. Are we doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God? Are we the first ones to the fringes of our society? Are we moving toward the marginalized, poor, and widowed? Are we speaking up and speaking out on behalf of the immigrant?

Are we known for our extravagant love or our extravagant judgment?

Are we crying out at injustice using our platforms, pulpits, dinner tables, and family gatherings, saying: “AS FAR AS IT DEPENDS ON ME,” I follow Jesus and do what Jesus did and has asked me to do?

America the beautiful needs confession, repentance, repair, and redemption.

I love her, but she doesn’t love me back. Unrequited love.

This is the real song. Hard to swallow. Full of heartache. And yet I have HOPE.

I pray we collectively sing a NEW song! And we can if we want.

May this Lenten season…open eyes, open hearts, open minds to OUR REAL reality in America. It is only from an honest place that God can meet us and redeem us.

Prayer:

Father, forgive us. We were made to be good stewards of ALL OF CREATION. God, during this Lenten season, may our only aim be YOU. Your love, your heart, your commands, your goodness, your faithfulness, your WAY. Your love is a love that leads to LIFE. God, who are we to degrade & cast out anybody when we ourselves have been given mercy, grace, and adopted into your family and so undeserving? Jesus help! Save us from our pride, power plays, and privilege. Father, thank you for your love. Don’t turn your face. Amen.